Absolution
by Skylark016
Summary: Dean reflects on all of the times that Sammy's forgiven him.


Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters

Author's Note: Here's another story from my previous account, enjoy!

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Dean laid down on his bed. Various possessions strewn about on the blankets around him as he gazed down at the pictures in his hand. The one on top was most likely the most recent, which was slightly depressing since it had been taken quite some time ago. Years ago, actually.

In it he, Bobby, and Sam, were all smiling, albeit a bit stiffly, at the camera. Bobby's junkyard peeking through the background.

His gaze lingered on his little brother's face. On the happy smile complete with dimples. The hair that had only gotten longer. The way his bright eyes had a touch of sadness behind their gaze. As if somehow Sammy had had some guess as to what would happen, though Dean doubted it. No one could have guessed everything that had happened to the two of them.

This had been before it all went to shit for them.

Before all the lying.

Before Lucifer.

Before the demon blood.

Before tablets and trials and any other crap that they'd had to do and face in a feeble attempt at saving a world destined for ruin. How much longer would they be able to save a world that seemed so determined on ending itself? He wasn't sure.

He sighed and flicked the pictures to the side, massaging his temple. He understood now why Sam had done it all. Really, he had known all along, but had been too stubborn to admit it.

Sam had done it for him.

Always.

Always for his big brother.

He'd done it because Sam had thought he'd been doing the right thing. That as long as the end was good then the means were justified.

He'd done it because _he_ was good, and therefore had sacrificed everything, his innocence, peace of mind, even his life, an an effort to save not only his brother, but everyone he'd ever loved and known.

And what had Dean done through it all?

He'd abandoned him. Torn him down both physically and verbally. He'd shut down Sam every time the kid had tried to make things better and explain himself.

As if he hadn't made mistakes of his own.

As if he hadn't kept secrets from his brother.

As if Dean hadn't been the one to make the deal in the first place and doom Sam to almost a year of fending for himself.

As if he hadn't been the one to break the first seal.

As if he hadn't been the one to literally throw their brotherhood in the trash.

And what had Sam's response always been?

Complete absolution and forgiveness.

No questions asked, no explanations needed.

Sam had been the one to come up with excuses for everything Dean had ever done wrong. Quickly trying to convince him that he should be guilt free. Especially whenever Dean knew that he didn't deserve it.

Sam had always been the one who stuck it through and, no matter what crap Dean threw his way, Sam never held it against him. Even when he must have known he wouldn't receive the same treatment in return.

Dean felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes as the weight of his failure crashed down upon him.

 _He_ should have been the one easing Sam's guilt away.

 _He_ should have been the one that had undergone those stupid trials.

Sam hadn't needed to be purified. His heart was as pure as it could get.

Sam's heart was as white as snow compared to Dean's corrupted coal-black one.

Dean had once been afraid that the innocence Sam had possessed as a child had disappeared slowly but surely over the years ever since Jessica's death.

Now he knew that he'd just been too blind to see it and God help him, he felt guilty as hell.

He didn't deserve Sam's loyalty.

Didn't deserve anything from the kid. Least of all his forgiveness.

There was a soft knock on the door. Whatever question Sam was about to ask died on his lips at the sight of his older brother. His brow furrowed together in concern.

"Dean? You okay?" he asked, walking in.

There it was. That undeserved love and concern swirling in those hazel eyes.

Even after he'd been a demon.

Even after he'd literally tried to kill his brother with a hammer.

"Why do you do it?" Dean asked hoarsely.

Sam's brow furrowed together in confusion now and he walked over and plopped down on the corner of Dean's bed.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Forgive me, after all I've done, you forgive me."

Sam shrugged, "Well yeah, you're my brother."

"But you forgave me for _everything_ even while I was still pissed at you for all that demon stuff."

Sam rolled his eyes as if this really wasn't a big deal. But to Dean it was everything.

"Well, I never said you were perfect," Sam told him, giving him a soft smile and whacking one of Dean's legs playfully.

Dean pushed himself upright, "I'm serious Sam."

The playfulness left Sam's face, "Dean I don't see what the issue is here."

"I tried to kill you with a freakin' hammer!" Dean stated, looking for any kind of reaction from his little brother.

Sam just nodded, "Yeah, while you were a _demon_. It wasn't your fault."

"That's what I'm talking about!" Dean exclaimed pointing a finger at Sam, "I don't get how you can overlook everything and just forgive me like that!"

Sam pursed his lips, "You mean how can I forgive you when you won't even forgive yourself?"

Dean shut his mouth, not able to really come up with a good response for that one.

"Because that's just what brothers do I guess," Sam said, "We take everything. The good, the bad, and I guess you just learn to look beyond all that."

"You never needed to be purified you know," Dean told him, his voice full of conviction.

Sam glanced down knowing what Dean was talking about, clearly not believing him, but not really in the mood to argue, "That's debatable," he finally stated.

Dean pursed his lips, "Sam-"

"You want to know why I can forgive you?" Sam interrupted, a strange light shining in his eyes, "Because every time I needed you. Seriously needed you, you came, no matter what. Because you've saved my life in more ways and more times than I could ever count. Because you've sacrificed everything for me time and time again. That's why I forgive you."

Sam got up and off the bed, and starting walking towards Dean's door as Dean contemplated his response.

"Sam?"

Sam stopped and peered back at him.

"Thanks."

His little brother smiled, and gave him a shrug as if to say, 'what are brother's for?' before he walked out.

Perhaps, he thought, he and Sam saved each other in different ways. Dean would do many inhumane things in order to keep his little brother safe. And in the end whenever he started to doubt himself, Sam offered him one of the greatest gifts he could ever give.

Absolution.

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*Well, thank you for reading. I'll try to keep updating some old stories back on here. In the meantime I'm experiencing a little bit of a writer's block, does anyone have a story idea that they'd just love to see written? Or an old idea that they'd like to see re-done? Again, thank you very much for reading, please review if you have the time! :)*


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